Imposter Syndrome

I know I am me, but am I her who they see?

Sometimes I don't recognise her... I say it because I hear them say it all the time,

But to myself, I admit I don't really know her.

Is my personality only defined by what they see? Am I only a reflection of the image they draw?

Let me break it down...

Imagine growing up as a certain person and solidly being known for being this person, not out of pretence or anything like that, but genuinely because you have long lived up to this particular standard. Now due to this, people constantly expect you to behave in this particular way, or uphold that very same standard and because of how well you have embodied this, it becomes an identity bestowed unto you. One you cannot run away from. Nothing wrong with that, until the boat gets a little shaky and staying true to this identity in all cicumtances becomes a thing of the past, and then you begin to question if this is really you, if this was ever you or just a facade.

It is because of this that imposter syndrome kicks in, the constant feeling that this failure is who you really are and that everything good you've ever achieved was not yours to have. An unending urge to achieve ground breaking success, being driven by a fear of failure or of average performance.

This is a space i find myself in, more often than not and sometimes you push so hard and crash (then you can't push anymore). It definitely is a scary and sad place to be in, because even your overachievement does not satisfy you at all.

I, for one, am stil learning and growing through this phase in my life and it totally sucks to have to constantly beat yourself up about the tiniest things, to try encourage yourself but deep down you know it's forced and you're not really proud.

I've found that what helps me is returning to my source, A place where i know perfection abounds and inspiration knows no ends. A place where i know i am loved, regardless of what i produce. A place where i know all my effort is seen and appreciated. I return to the feet of Abba. Truly speaking, nothing in this world can holistically satisfy a person and that is the reason why regardless of so much achievement, one may still find themselves doubting their potential.

Returning to God in the midst of this is reminding oneself that i already have all I need, that everything else I want and I'm trying to achieve is excess. It is a reminder of why I'm even working so hard, putting away vain ambition and understanding that with My Source by my side, will spring forth an overflow of success... [stay grounded in God].

Thank you for joining Unspoken Gist. I hope yours will be a frequent visit.

With love and anticipation.